A surprisingly tough decision.

Remember that mellow note from this morning? Yeah, no longer true. Now I’m trying my best to stay calm as I face a really big decision. I attended a new graduate nurse dinner a month or two back at St. Christopher’s Hospital for Children here in Philly and while there, was given a chance to interview. Like the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, St. Chris’s is a Level 3 trauma center and a teaching hospital, but in reality, the are world’s apart. St. Chris is a community hospital, located in one of the poorest areas of Philadelphia. Much of the community they serve could be mistaken for a developing country.  This neighborhood that turns away some of my friends is probably what first drew my interest in St. Chris. Well, my interview went well and it wasn’t long after that I received a call offering me an opportunity to come do a shadow day in the department. It’s a little bit difficult to go to any pediatric hospital after the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, with it’s limitless supplies and gorgeous architecture. I turned the shadow option over in my head a bit and when they called me a second time a couple days later, I decided to do it. They seemed interested in me and if nothing else, it would be a great chance to get another view at ED nursing. Truth be told, I think I’d already ruled out St. Chris by this time and had my heart on working at CHOP. But then I went to my shadow and was surprised to find that I loved it. The staff was friendly and supportive, the residents explained procedures and pointed out interesting cases, and the patient population fit into that under served category I love.

I got a call last week offering me a position in St. Chris’s ED. I’m supposed to decide by the end of the week if I want to take it or not. I don’t know what to do. I planned on staying here in Philadelphia to work at CHOP, and while there is a high probability of openings in their ED by the end of the summer, there are none right now. I don’t know if this means that I should take the job at St. Chris, or if I should hold out. If you want to pray with me about this I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m definitely in need of some guidance.

A Quiet Day

It’s been a much needed mellow morning around here. In the last few weeks I’ve made up for all the social life I didn’t have time for at the beginning of the quarter and while I thrive on it, it’s nice to take a break and spend time in a quiet house taking care of everyday tasks. I went through the many piles of papers, bills, invitations, etc. that have begun to accumulate on my chair, bookshelf, and nightstand and filed, clean out and mailed off. I’m finally starting to feel like I have a grasp on what I need to get done and my space is clean enough to do it. Now that my room is clean, my laundry done, my bills paid, and order is restored, I am ready to get down to studying. Of course this happens to coincide perfectly with the time I need to leave and thus the studying will have to wait. Isn’t that always how it goes?

Steph comes to town!

I’ve been pretty blessed as far as visitors go since moving out here last May. Every couple months or so I’ve had one of my peeps out to share some love and do some sightseeing. My most recent visitor arrived last Wednesday and left me this morning. Stephanie and I have known each other since elementary school, played basketball together in jr high and high school, both went to Poly.  But we didn’t really become close until our post-undergrad months when we both left SLO and headed back home with the ‘rents to we sort out our next steps. That’s really kind of the mellow way of saying it. Truth be told, we were both freaking out, wondering how we’d ended up back in El Dorado Co., where all of our friends had gone, what had happened to our lives, and why there was suddenly no script for what we should do next. But in each other we found someone who understood , as well as a lot of laughter and good times.  Almost a year has gone by since I left home, but with every visit, we just pick up where we left off.   Steph objective for coming out was to: Vacation and a visit after finishing her dietetic internship. My objective for Steph’s time was: To have as much fun as possible and talk her into moving here. I figure in a town with tons of fun people and a majillion hospitals (ok, slight exaggeration, but there’s 110 in the greater phila area!) it shouldn’t be too tough. It was great to have a friend visit that  was up for anything and everything and we definitely kept busy! Our adventures included sightseeing, rock climbing, salsa dancing, a Sixers game, a gallery exhibit opening, eating all the Philly classics, hanging out with friends and on and on and on. It was fun to share my life here with someone who was part of my last “world” and she immersed into it so easily.  I took her babysitting with me, around campus a bit, to church, to hang out, and pretty much just gave her a glimpse of what my life is like here….when I’m slacking and not doing school work at least:).  I’ve posted a mess o’ photos of her time here, as well as some other stuff I’ve been up to in the past couple weeks on my Flickr site (I upgraded to a pro site so there’s unlimited space!), so you can get a feel for the good times that have been going on around here. My friend Seth, who is a professional photographer (*promo ding!*), also has some fun photos of an impromptu Mexican fiesta we had last night. Here’s the links!:

My Pics

Seth’s Pics

I made enchiladas, Seth rockin’ guac, and Nate blended up some delish margaritas. Top it off with picture taking fun, dance parties in the kitchen, hugs and snuggling and Zoolander and you have one fantastic night.  At the end we voted by unanimous hand raise that Stephanie should definitely come back on a more permanent basis.

p.s. you can always click on the side bar of the blog to see my latest shots. That’s right, I have to use words like shots and photographs now so I seem cooler and all photography like.

Fun Exhaustion

Because of the craziness that was school in March, school in April is somewhat beautiful.  I have 3 weeks of no clinical and when combined with Easter Break (thank you Catholic school) I got a whole week off!  I drove away from Villanova Tuesday night and am happy to say I managed not to crack open a book, or work on any papers until today. I’m not sure if that is evidence of my awesome ability to disentangle myself from the constant busyness of nursing school or if it just means I’m turning into a really big slacker. I’d like to say the first, but the truth is probably closer to the second. Regardless, it has been a much needed, and greatly appreciated, break. The best thing about it was that I managed to pack most of my days full of so much fun that I found myself falling into bed most nights totally exhausted. I can’t tell you how great it is to experience the tiredness that comes from being active, laughing to tears and sideaches, and playing all day long after weeks of mental/physical nursing school-induced fatigue. And then to be able to sleep a good 8 hours most nights, well that brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. So what kind of good times have I been having you ask? Well, there have been hikes, photo shooting adventures, cooking, eating, church services, theological discussions, Wii bowling and boxing, egg hunts, baking, egg dyeing, movies, long talks into the night, snuggling with children, squeezing lots of people into small cars, small couches, small rooms, hug buffets, silly dares, chilly walks, hot coffee, cold beer, catching up with old friends, getting to know new friends, new realizations of just how much I need Jesus and celebrations of his resurrection. So you can imagine that if I tried to blog on all of that it would be very long, and probably not as much fun for you as it was for me. So I’m going to give you a couple highlights and direct you to some of the fun photos.

Easter Weekend!

I had some nostalgic moments this past week thinking about how great Easter festivities were as a kid.  While I’m definitely into the real reason for the holiday and get depressed when we gloss over the greatest event in history with plastic eggs, I did really enjoy those plastic eggs and the competition the evoked.  So this weekend I decided to have a day devoted to Easter fun for big kids.  It was awesome.  I felt pretty domesticated as I prepped lots of snacks, boiled tons of eggs, and filled then hid even more plastic ones.  But it was totally worth it as everyone embraced their childhood favorites.  We dyed 3 dozen eggs, blew up multiple Peeps, and everyone was appropriately intense during the Easter egg hunt.  We consumed sugar and caffeine in quantities that would have had our parents shaking their heads.  Like I said, awesome.

Sunday followed with a sweet Easter service at liberti and some great fellowship at the Stahl’s house.  I hung out for a bit before heading to my friend Julie’s for dinner.  Julie is a friend from class, who has repeatedly offered to let me come live with her and her family.  It’s a tempting offer with their big beautiful house and delicious dinners and wine, but somehow a daily drive to/from Doylestown deters me:)  Dinner was wonderful, the company fun, and I was able to end the night braiding little girls hair and having them snuggle up and fall asleep on me.  All and all, a fantastic Easter weekend.

If you want to check out some pics of the Easter festivities, click here!

Being Real

It’s always a little difficult to write a post when I haven’t been able to do so consistently because it seems there is so much to catch up on. The thoughts and activities continue even when the writing doesn’t, so it’s tough to decide where to start and what to share. Often it becomes a superficial recap of the time, with some names and dates and places of who, what where of my life, but really I think the how and why are at least as important. So I’m going to do my best to share some of both and say if you really want to know more you can email me or give me a call:) This might take a few posts.
Hookay so, March was admittedly a pretty tough month for me. I’d like to say that things were just busy with school, which is true, but that would really be avoiding the heart of it. I began the month with a trip back to California, to my college town. It was a relaxing trip, but the feelings that it stirred up in me on my return home were not. It was the first time I really reconsidered moving back to the West Coast, to the point where I began looking at job listings in Sac. It wasn’t the weather, the beach, or the west coast lifestyle that had my heart aching with homesickness, but reminders of what it was like to live intimately with others. I’ve realized that I miss not just my family, but Family. I’m nearing my year mark here and while I have made a number of friends here, my true confidants are all at least 3000 miles away. It honestly was a lonely realization, to discover that I am not fully known, nor do I fully know the people I do life with here. So that came the weekend I returned and probably would have rocked me more deeply if given the chance, but Monday brought with it a tidal wave of classwork and clinicals that left me with little time to sleep or breathe, let alone reflect much on my relationships. I swept the issues under the rug to be dealt with at a time when there was space for something more than school. Then came the Women’s Retreat. I signed up for the retreat back when I thought it was in February. The only reason I probably even showed up was because I am cheap and poor and the thought of losing 45 bucks just didn’t sit well. Yet, I’m pretty sure that while I didn’t know what I was doing, God definitely did. Because it was an incredibly healing and changing weekend. The topic was “Hope in Suffering.” This was not a topic that I heard and was thinking, “Yes! I need to go there!” It was more like, “Ok, that might be useful at some point.” But that was so not the case. It was exactly what I was needing because though life has been going well in most respects, the lack of connection I’ve had with the people in my life here had left my heart aching. As Lynn spoke about praying for community and inviting people into your suffering I could no longer stop the tears from slipping silently down my cheeks. Does it ever surprise you the way emotion overwhelms you and catches you off guard like that? When God touches your heart where you didn’t even know you were hurting? Well, I went that night and shared with a friend. Not one far away, but one who was right there. We talked for hours, sharing our struggles, encouraging one another, speaking truth into lies, and praying. And I felt again what Jesus meant when he said wherever two are gathered I am there. It makes me wonder about our fears of being real with each other. Our fears that if we really show our hearts that they will be trampled. Is it all some plot to keep us from being truly in fellowship? I could see the threat in that for one who doesn’t love God.

Since I left the retreat a couple weeks ago, God has really been working in my heart. I’m continuing to learn what it means not just to be real about where I’ve been, but vulnerable about where I am now. And the fruit of that has been awesome. The struggles I find it so difficult to voice, I’m finding are shared by many around me and the lies I’d begun to believe have lost their power. My flesh and my sin are all around me, but they do not define me. I’m seeing my own weakness so much more, and in that God’s incredible redemptive greatness.

Lessons from Children

This poem was shared with us at the Women’s Retreat last weekend by Lynn MacDougall. It was written by her 11 year-old daughter Michaela MacDougall.

Humility

A little infant

He sleeps peacefully

In a dirty wooden bed of straw

Inside the smallest stable

He could be doing more

If he wanted

He could be a man

Ruling from a gilded throne

Studded with jewels

In the greatest of kingdoms

But he doesn’t

He will not

All for the woman and the man

Looking down at him

And for the simple shepherds

Surrounding him

And for the magi

That give him gifts

For them

He will humble himself

And remain

A helpless infant

 

A young boy

He talks to the Pharisees

In a stone temple

About God

He could be doing more

If he wanted

He could talk to God

The Almighty

In a great palace

Made of gold

But he doesn’t

He will not

All for the teachers

Listening to him

And for the people

Outside of where he is

And for the soldiers

Roaming the streets

For them

He will humble himself

And remain

With the Pharisees

 

A grown man

He fights for breath

On a cross

At Calvary

He could be doing more

If he wanted

He could be alive

Perfectly healthy

Sitting and resting

In his realm

But he doesn’t

He will not

All for the scoffers

Jeering at him

And for the disciples

Weeping for him

And for the centurions

That put him there

For them

He will humble himself

And remain

On that cross

 

The living God

Rises again

Free from death

Glorious in his resurrection

He could be doing more

If he wanted

He could return to Heaven

His home

And to his father

His loving father

And he does

He will

Now that he has completed

The forgiveness

Of all those

Who trust in him

For those

He has died

And for those

He now returns

To reign in peace

The world

It pretty much blows my mind that this picture of the humility of Jesus came from a jr. high kid. What a reminder to us that knowledge of the holy is not just revealed to the most well-read or the brightest of scholars, but simply to those who love and follow Jesus. Michaela has muscular dystrophy, a genetic disorder that causes her muscles to progressively deteriorate. Yet while her body is wheelchair bound, her heart is full of the strength of Jesus. I’ve never met this amazing young lady, but it is obvious that she gets Jesus more than some of us can ever hope to.

Scranton Baby!

Since the moment I decided to move to PA, I was pretty excited about the prospect of visiting Scranton. I am an Office lover and even though I know it’s filmed back in some California studio, I have still felt the need to visit the city of my favorite paper product branch. Most have discouraged me from this endeavor assuring me I would be quite disappointed. Well, this weekend was my church’s women’s retreat and just my luck, it took place just miles from Scranton! My chance to stop on through had finally come. Yeah, it hasn’t exactly been added to my top vacation destinations, but it was still exciting. Only thing missing was Jim Halpert. Sigh.

After Kasey humored me by driving all around Scranton I had a chance to humor her by going to Cracker Barrel for lunch so she could have her Southern food fix and reminisce about home. I think Southern food basically means things fried with gravy on them. I could almost feel my arteries clogging…but clogging with a smile of course.

 

Witnessing a Miracle!

So I said I probably wouldn’t be posting for a bit.  I guess I lied.  Pretty much today was just so amazing that I feel the need to document it.  I’m into my obstetrics rotation (moms and babies for those of you not into the medical lingo), which has been an incredible experience.  If you want to renew your awe about the beauty of creation go watch new moms hold and breastfeed their infants.  It overwhelms me.  On top of that, it’s kind of a nice break to have patients that are by and large healthy.  I’ve spent my past couple clinical days working on a post-partum unit assessing, teaching, and otherwise taking care of mom and baby .  Today however, my patients got discharged early, leaving me with nothing to do after lunch.  A friend of mine was in the same situation, so we went with our instructor to check out what was going on down in labor and delivery.  It had been a somewhat slow day (which explains why we weren’t down there earlier), but we arrived just in time to slip in to the room of a patient who was in labor and just about to start pushing.  She consented to our presence and we were directed by our instructor onto either side of her.  We held her legs with each contraction watching the baby come further and further down, his head showing more with each new contraction and its associated pushing.  We were able to encourage, to assist, and to be a part of a very incredible process.  My heart pounded in my chest as the baby pushed his way out into the world,   and the sight of him in the doctor’s arms and the pronunciation of, “It’s a boy!” sent tears streaming down my face.  I had spent the last 20 minutes silently coaching myself not to cry, but it was such an emotionally overwhelming experience that when the time came, the chance of stopping them from sliding down my face was a bout as small as the chance of removing the smile that simultaneously spread across it.  People talk about the miracle of birth and how beautiful and amazing it is.  I’ve never doubted it, but I don’t think I realized on just what level of amazing it was until today.  I’ve seen pictures, I’ve watched the Discovery Channel specials, but let me tell you, there is NOTHING like being a part of the real thing.  And man were we part of it.  After the baby entered the world, Liz and I, along with our instructor were responsible for his care and assessment.  We rubbed him dry, weighed him and performed all his initial assessments.  I did his footprints, clamped his cord, took his vitals, etc. with adrenaline pumping through my veins and a proud new father looking on.  AH! It was so awesome!  I feel like today was such an amazing gift.  And now I’m ready to sleep for a long time

My hiatus

Sorry I haven’t kept up on this lately.  Life has gotten to be somewhat crazy and until things mellow down I probably won’t be posting.  Hopefully it will just be a week or two til the madness subsides!

Back Home

I’m back in PA after a Spring Break well-spent; my very last Spring Break before joining the working world.  The Central Coast was in it’s prime with 70 degree temps, and tons of sunshine.  We frolicked about town and visited different beaches everyday.  I’m now feeling so very ready for Spring!  It was a bit of a rude awakening to come home to freezing temperatures and snow on the ground.  I took my awesome new camera along and spent lots of time playing with it.  You can check out some of the pics I took on my Flickr site.